December 11th, 2006

zoe zan blogger zoe zane zoe diva diamon

I am back to writing again

Many ask me if my 7 kids know what I do. Some know some do not. BUT I think they all know and some just do not want to see. So I produce porn, so what, it is just sex. Some of my kids are very conservative, it is there nature to be that way and I do not try to change or convert them. Although I see how their minds have been conditioned about sex as mine was before I broke out of the system. Pain made me change and common sense. I just looked at what I had done for 35 years and said fuck this. This way of living sucks so I went wild with many ups and downs along the way to where I am today. So my kids still love me and I love them. It is more about the connection and understanding of them than anything else. When I raised them I got the idea I was not a good mom but they all turned out great. They are not in jail and their health is damn good. One stopped smoking and got rid of a girlfriend that was very selfish. Now he has the sweetest GF, she and I get along great. Another is an emergency doctor with a funny sense of humor, one is high teck, another an iron worker, the two girls are living with their gay dad in Utah working and changing their money habits and my first baby girl is in heaven. I am not the type of mom to cause terror in my kids. I want them to be my friend so they have some place to hang out, be accepted and relate in this world of craziness. I feel like a big huge, angry pimple is bursting for so many from held back feelings that need to be addressed and refocused to kindness. It is all about giving myself love and power. Self empowerment where I win for myself. For years my self esteem suffered but things are shifting for me and I want it to be good for myself and my kids. My actions speak louder than my words anyway. It is what I do not what I say that makes a impact. When my life hits the shit fan I take my self to a place of gratitude. I give thanks even for the penny I found on the floor at Starbucks. I pick it up and kiss it. I kiss all the money I receive. I am really thankful for flushing toilets!!! I just flushed it and had this freaking thought while I did it. I love clean freaking toilets! Merry Happy December. Love you love me Zoe