zoezane (zoezane) wrote,

Emily Sanders use my porn name Zoey Zane


 Emily Sanders death is confirmed by dental records

The news uses hyper and sensation of "Anything" to spread their story.  Emily Sanders was an amateur nude model on the Net.  Her site was not up very long.  From the info I gathered it went up in September 2007.  Now on the Net, if you are a nude model on your adult site, you are a porn star?  Some nude models will not go for THAT at all.  She will be buried this Thursday in

Life Drama and Tragedy of my first born child, her name Cody

Since Thursday, my site has been slammed massively, many of my friends thought I was missing and dead, it was nice of them to care.  Thank you, all of you for caring thoughts for me.  After you die many people turn you into something great most of the time. and mass murderers are never forgotten.  It is very clear that tragedy and drama sell where millions of readers thrive off the drama.

I've decided to tell you about my tragedy, of my first girl child, Cody, named after a beautiful college girlfriend. I graduated from
Brigham Young University in 1969.  I was married to a Seminary Teacher/Preacher in April before I graduated.  A temple marriage is a big thing in the LDS church; it is for time and all eternity.  You must live certain standards to get into the temple.  When I graduated, I was top of my class, got pregnant in August, and gave birth in April 1970.  This girl child was born early, deformed, she had Lang's Syndrome.  This syndrome is caused by missing genes during the first trimester. There was no history of this syndrome in either of our families.  I finally got the courage to face the pain of this child, did a search on the Net about Lang's syndrome.  At this time, I had a close girlfriend who took care of a baby with this same birth defect that released a lot of suffering in me. I thought that Cody did not know me at all. but she did.  Taking care of a new born is a challenge since they do not talk.  She was born sick not excepted to live long, but she lived 21/2 years.  Out of the first 7 months of her life she was in the hospital 4 months. 

As I think back it was extremely difficult for me to accept the truth that I gave birth to a deformed child.  You take it personally that you made something UGLY.  It was not the cutzie, what a pretty baby experience for me.  On top of this, the husband was touchl-ess loveless
fuck-less.  He waited for me to do something terrible like beat the crap out of her or CRACK UP under the pressure of her care.  Socially, I was not in the group of normal mothers with normal babies.  New adjustments, your first time as a parent, it's a challenge for most couples.  I did not live close to my family since home life was an ongoing yelling and screaming match of hatred between both parents.  It was war in
California for 17 years.  I could not stand them so I stayed FAR FAR FAR away.  This first child pushed all my buttons to the max, WAY over beyond, BEYOND.  If I ever judged anyone or anything with self-righteousness, I found myself in those shoes.  It was a huge challenge for a 23 year old mother  who was raised in a caustic, negative home.  So much for being religious, right?  Some families use religion to mask up their shit and my family life was "out-there shitty". My parents used the mask of religion to make themselves look good, and I was the chosen one, the example of Mormonism,  the daughter they bragged about to everyone.  What, was I? An over achiever looking for love and the approval of others. A small note. my parents never told me how great I was, never never never nor anything positive. My mother's favorite word for me was "BRAT".

Inside of me. I held on with any developed self-discipline to take care for myself and Cody.  The bible thumping, self righteous husband just watched and left for his church anything and everything.  Run, run, run as fast as you can you pompous coward.  I was an embarrassment to him and he offered little help.  It was my job to take care for him and the deformed child.  I held on for days and months, from not going into a house for lunatics.  SCREAMING, please help me! !!  More will be in my book this year.  How I survived the trauma of living with a religious fanatic who used our deformed child to make himself look like a martyr.  Look at poor me, who has to live with this freaky housewife in Zion.  LOL.

The link to Lang's Syndrome http://rarediseases.about.com/cs/cdls/a/101903.htm
Pictures of these children http://www.pbase.com/mburke11/cdls

Some of these retarded children live beyond 20 years old.


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