zoezane (zoezane) wrote,

  • Mood:

Last night was day 50

I didn't want to go to class.  I forced myself.  I have nothing to say about Bikram.  That's how I felt last night before and during class.  The new studio room is much hotter.  I was spoiled in the old one.  Hang on Diva Zoe.  I'm turning my brain off about yoga.  This is my 6Th challenge, seriously thinking, I'll never do another challenge.  My life is in a better place.  Right now, I'm enduring, hang on girl.  I remember when I held on in the first marriage.  How I lived in fear of rejection and the future.  I was a college gradute, a mother of 7 kids.  When I divorced the x husband he told me to go to work, be a teacher.  When I was married to him I was not allowed to work.  I've seen and experince both sides of the coin.  Maybe that will be the reason for the success of my book called "Sweet Warm Horror".  One of my fetish subs said that's what Utah is "SWH".  He has a different kind of torment than mine. His is enjoyment, mine is suffering sadism, the worst kind.  Last night in yoga I cried over the end of my dance career to my marriage Mormon career.  How I left my dance to please my unhappy parents.  I turned from my love to a loveless marriage, to a Mormon Save Me take Me to Heaven Asshole.  I'm still hurting inside from those tormenting thoughts.  I see what the Mormon Asshole is doing to my children.  The sub wants me to let it go of the a-hole Mormon x husband, he says it doesn't become his Diva.  Little does the sub know that this Diva is who she is for enduing the Mormon A-hole's torments.  He didn't kill me like he wanted to.  His posionous family didn't destroy me as planned.  They spite, I ran.  I was not meant to die in Utah.  It was meant to tell how I survived the torments of Utah, a cruel religious system that hates women.  I'm the one who will write Utah's "Sweet Warm Horror".  I will tell the truth.  As for the sub he will read about my sufferings but never again will he hear me talk them in front of him.  That's how strong I am and what I know I must do.
Tags: yoga utah online writer zoe zane

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